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Cafe gal

December 2011

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Cafe gal

Nothing much, just letting go.

 My mother said to me...."You have issues Rebekah.  Serious issues."  It stopped my ramblings for a few seconds.  I let it sink it that my own mother said that to me.  The first thing that crossed my mind was...'If only you knew mama....if only you knew.'    It's almost frightening just how much I keep from my own family...but I don't do it to be secretive or whatnot...I just feel that some things are better left unsaid and over time...life just goes on.  My childhood wasn't a bowl of cherries, a ray of sunshine, a zip-a-dee-doo-da time.  There were a lot of crazy, fucked up things that happened.  However, there was a great deal that I look back on and smile.  I laugh at some of the silly shit I did.  I'm not ashamed of my life, although there are times where I look back and I become sad.  It doesn't last long, but sometimes I just wish things had gone smoother, hadn't been so...traumatic.  Maybe then I wouldn't be so codependent. Maybe then I wouldn't dig for affection and acceptance.  It takes a whole lot to tell myself that I deserve so much more.  It takes a whole lot for me to even say that I am not really a bad person at all.  I have my moments...but don't we all? I am a product of my raising.  I am like my mother and father...but I am not my mother and father.  I am their daughter.  Wholesome, wild and hopeful.