So, I'm finally back in Arizona. Definitely pregnant, that's for sure. I knew I was. I just knew. I was already talking to my stomach a few weeks ago. Something just triggered the reaction. I asked myself outright. "Beka, are you pregnant?" No hesitation. "Yes. Yes you are." I just knew. I guess after the first time you can just tell. You pick up on all the same symptoms. Now I don't fear being pregnant. I don't even fear for my well-being now. I know that I will be taken care of either way. WIC already has my paperwork...but I still want Ry to step in and claim his child. He wants to. He wants to be apart of the babe's life. I want him to be apart of my babe's life. I always have. Point being though, Ry has to come to me. I will not get myself stuck again for his sake. This isn't just about me anymore. I can't afford to be stuck and leave that as the only means for my baby. I love Ry, but sometimes I just can't rely on him because he is on a one-track mind. That wouldn't be so bad, if I had the means to take care of myself. Which I didn't up there...so here I stay. He wants to be a part of my life, he needs to come down here. Anywhere afterwards will require some serious discussion. And time. A lot of time. I'm not jetting out of here as soon as he appears. Not happening. I need to be set. I need to be stable for my baby. I do hope that I even make it that far. Oh please Mistress let me make it that far. I so want his child. I wouldn't have participated in lovely activities with him if I didn't have a slight hope. Carrying his baby is just so...he's a good man....he will make it worth it all. I have faith in him still. Although I shouldn't. I shouldn't trust him period...but I still do. He has a good heart, just immature. Thus the time. We both need it. I need him to be more mature ans to handle his responsibilities no matter how hard. I need to be stable without having to have him take care of me.