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Cafe gal

December 2011

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Cafe gal

So, I'm finally back in Arizona.  Definitely pregnant, that's for sure. I knew I was.  I just knew.  I was already talking to my stomach a few weeks ago.  Something just triggered the reaction.  I asked myself outright.  "Beka, are you pregnant?" No hesitation. "Yes. Yes you are."  I just knew.  I guess after the first time you can just tell.  You pick up on all the same symptoms.  Now I don't fear being pregnant. I don't even fear for my well-being now.  I know that I will be taken care of either way.  WIC already has my paperwork...but I still want Ry to step in and claim his child.  He wants to. He wants to be apart of the babe's life.  I want him  to be apart of my babe's life.  I always have.   Point being though, Ry has to come to me. I will not get myself stuck again for his sake.  This isn't just about me anymore.  I can't afford to be stuck and leave that as the only means for my baby.  I love Ry, but sometimes I just can't rely on him because he is on a one-track mind.  That wouldn't be so bad, if I had the means to take care of myself.  Which I didn't up there...so here I stay.  He wants to be a part of my life, he needs to come down here.  Anywhere afterwards will require some serious discussion.  And time.  A lot of time.  I'm not jetting out of here as soon as he appears.  Not happening.  I need to be set.  I need to be stable for my baby.  I do hope that I even make it that far.  Oh please Mistress let me make it that far.  I so want his child.  I wouldn't have participated in lovely activities with him if I didn't have a slight hope.  Carrying his baby is just so...he's a good man....he will  make it worth it all.  I have faith in him still.  Although I shouldn't. I shouldn't trust him period...but I still do.  He has a good heart, just immature.  Thus the time.  We both need it.  I need him to be more mature ans to handle his responsibilities no matter how hard.  I need to be stable without having to have him take care of me.