Oh Life
I'm not sure if I should even bother with Livejournal much anymore. I've come to realize that most people I used to hang with on here have moved to facebook. I've had a facebook for a while, so I already jumped that bandwagon. Doesn't help that I've changed accounts like...8 million times. Should I even bother talking about my life anymore? It's March now. Last time I was on it was December and Mistress knows so much more has happened since then.
To start, I'd miscarried. New Years wknd was...devastating. I lost my babe. Guess there really isn't much that could be done about that. It happened. On top of that, I find that all my fears were true. Ry's been lying and cheating since then...the miscarriage just...had this nasty effect on him. I more or less....lost it. I just...lost it. I grasped onto him even harder. Hoping to god he'd just stop. He'd just stop, come home, and love me. Stupid girl eh? Ever so hopeful. Such a silly little dreamer. Unfortunately or not, that part of me won't change. I'll still hope and dream. I always do, through all the heartbreaks, either done to me or inflicted on others. Lord knows I've crushed a few on my own.
I hate this. I don't want to leave. I have to. I fly out the 15th of March. I'm no going home, I don't really have one. I'm going to chill with this chica for a while. Out of everyone, I made a phonecall to her, crying and at my wits end...next thing I know I have a one way ticket and a chance to try again. I get so wrapped up...just so...enthralled? I fall so devastatingly hard! Just...crash into ever branch on the way down. Blow after blow and I will still get up from the fall. I have to. It probably doesn't help that...birth control or not, I'm more than likely pregnant again. My body is just retarded. Then again, I guess it just heals really fast. Undergoing a surgery to clean my body of the...infection that had taken my child from me, just fuck my life. I'm still so very hurt by that. I always will....I had this insistance that he was going to be a boy....then I realized, subconciously I was picking girl names. Something told me that he was in fact going to be a she. I just knew it.
Point being, I'm leaving. I can't handle this anymore. He's already got another girl lined up....good luck to him. Good luck to him to find another woman that would give him even HALF of what I had given.
To start, I'd miscarried. New Years wknd was...devastating. I lost my babe. Guess there really isn't much that could be done about that. It happened. On top of that, I find that all my fears were true. Ry's been lying and cheating since then...the miscarriage just...had this nasty effect on him. I more or less....lost it. I just...lost it. I grasped onto him even harder. Hoping to god he'd just stop. He'd just stop, come home, and love me. Stupid girl eh? Ever so hopeful. Such a silly little dreamer. Unfortunately or not, that part of me won't change. I'll still hope and dream. I always do, through all the heartbreaks, either done to me or inflicted on others. Lord knows I've crushed a few on my own.
I hate this. I don't want to leave. I have to. I fly out the 15th of March. I'm no going home, I don't really have one. I'm going to chill with this chica for a while. Out of everyone, I made a phonecall to her, crying and at my wits end...next thing I know I have a one way ticket and a chance to try again. I get so wrapped up...just so...enthralled? I fall so devastatingly hard! Just...crash into ever branch on the way down. Blow after blow and I will still get up from the fall. I have to. It probably doesn't help that...birth control or not, I'm more than likely pregnant again. My body is just retarded. Then again, I guess it just heals really fast. Undergoing a surgery to clean my body of the...infection that had taken my child from me, just fuck my life. I'm still so very hurt by that. I always will....I had this insistance that he was going to be a boy....then I realized, subconciously I was picking girl names. Something told me that he was in fact going to be a she. I just knew it.
Point being, I'm leaving. I can't handle this anymore. He's already got another girl lined up....good luck to him. Good luck to him to find another woman that would give him even HALF of what I had given.
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